i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
