You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
