I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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