I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
