I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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