I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
