What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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