I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Gay?
German.
Pity.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
