So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
