It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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