You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize