You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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