I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
