I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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