hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
