considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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