I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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