We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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