god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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