Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Alive.
So much puke
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
