hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
