I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
