How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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