Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
