There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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