I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize