this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
