did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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