I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
