this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We have started to decorate penises.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
