Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Plan B is the new Plan A
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
