i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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