so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
