I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize