Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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