PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
