I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
