he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
