I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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