I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
