is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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