It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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