I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize