How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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