of course. lets lasso hookers.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
