Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
