He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
