I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We have so much sex to catch up on
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
