Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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