I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
