Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
