I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
