Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
