Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
