How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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