I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
