I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You took a bar mat shot.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
