apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
