we're blogging at a bar
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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