and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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