I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
