we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
