she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
