so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
