cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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