Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
