It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize