...so i touched it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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