I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
