I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
