if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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