no, he came in my armpit
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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