this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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