Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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