K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize