Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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