i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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