sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
