Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
