I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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