I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize