The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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