I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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