he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize