The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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