Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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