Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
