so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
