She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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