well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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