Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
