I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize