sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My vagina is officially offended.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
