Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
