I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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