I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
