i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
