Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
