I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
