His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
