Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
