you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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