I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
