What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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